Time Heals - Slowly

I had a blog all written out Wednesday evening that was all ready for publishing. It really wasn’t good, but I thought I should put something up so you wouldn’t think I had stopped blogging, or had fallen from the face of the earth. It was about people watching and how there’s no better place to people watch than in a courtroom. If people’s lives weren’t in the balance with every decision it would be more fun. I don’t want to write about that - although if you get a chance, find out when status hearing day is scheduled, take a bag of popcorn (not really), and enjoy the show. I guarantee you will hear stuff you only get in real life dramas!

But that’s not what I am going to write about. I wanted to write about me. Sometimes, I write about my life, or my family, or my work. Sometimes I get frustrated with this current life. I have had several people ask me lately how I am doing. Before I would lie and say "ok" or "as well as I can be." Now I can honestly say, "I am doing well."

I have a routine now. I can handle the kids alone for extended periods of time if need be. ( I still prefer one at a time!) I have an understanding now of the bills and their scheduled payments. I am starting to get to sleep at a reasonable hour on most nights. Fixing dinner is not as exhausting. I have lost enough weight that some are starting to notice - couple of inches on the belt, so far. (Not trying to lose any, but it’s just happening.) Bed time is do-able. Work is under control and fun again (although one situation is not pleasant, but that is another story.) (I was in such a good mood that I decided I would call EVERYONE minus clients "Butter Cup" one day this past week. It was so much fun. Try it!)

I am determined to take up golf and become good enough to not embarrass myself. I have other fun things planned - Luke’s birthday party in April, kite-flying with Amanda, going out with friends - old and new, Miners' games in the summer, and another attempt at a Michael W. Smith concert in April. I have even added a couple of new CDs to my collection that are awesome. (TobyMac's Portable Sounds is my new all-time fav.)

What does all this mean? Time heals - slowly, but surely. I still have my moments - like earlier tonight with Amanda during bed time. I miss Cindy. Amanda misses Cindy. I told her tonight how proud I was of the way she is handling all that she has gone through. Then completely unprovoked she said, "but you know what, Dad? Maybe when me and you and Luke are still alive Jesus will come back and mom might be with Him." I said that she might be. Amanda then said, "Or, she might be back at her room getting the fruit ready. That is what I would do, I would be picking all the fruit that’s just inside the gate for the big feast."

Of course, this is the same five year old girl who said to me this morning over breakfast, "Do you know ‘99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall?" And when I asked if she knew what beer was she replied, "Well, yeah. It’s a drink that has caffeine in it. That is why I don’t drink it!"