Put This On The List

How come the days you expect to get lots of things done... nothing gets done. Is there a reason for that?

My job is one where you can plan to have a day free of distractions or interruptions and !BAM! everyone and their baby’s momma calls. Now don’t get me wrong. I like talking to people. If it weren’t for people, I would be out of a job and my job would not have nearly as many comical moments. (But my office would smell so much better!) Occasionally, the police reports do offer some laughs... like the one recently where they were searching a house for a suspected sexual assault assailant and came across a box next to my soon-to-be client’s bed that had "weed" written on it. You just can’t make this stuff up!

But really, is there any way other than to completely shut out the world to get stuff done?

One of the things that I admired about Cindy... but never told her... was how organized she was. And how organized she kept our family, too. Ok, I actually made fun of her for her incessant list making. I have attempted to duplicate her system of lists and other than the grocery list... I am failing miserably. At work, it took me about a year to find my stride with my own way of doing things. I tried other officer’s methods of keeping track of 100+ clients (156 clients my first year) but only when I did things my way - through trial and error - did I learn my lesson. Do it your way and as Dr. Sarah taught me with the kids... whatever works.

There’s so many areas where I can’t fill Cindy’s shoes. In some areas I don’t even try. Other areas, it’s not about filling her shoes but wearing my own.

(Why have I been using so many illustrations lately involving shoes???)

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I have re-added the Comment area to my blog if you feel the need to drop me a line or comment on the blog. Feel free to express yourself... you won’t hurt my feelings. I can always delete it!

I've Got Nothing For You

This is the worst time of year. Seriously. How could anyone like it?

Bad, dangerous, cold weather. No football. No baseball. No flowers. Nothing is green. Snow is grey. The flu and colds are rampant. Clothes are layered. Gloves go missing. Kids are stir-crazy. Movies are awful. Vacation are a dream.

Need I say more?

I tried to look for something that was positive about this time of year...didn’t find one.

It's Just A Little Complicated

You make one small change to your Facebook profile and everyone notices.

I changed my status from "single" to "complicated". I am not even sure I had put "single" initially - I might have left it blank. Well, the other night my connection was a little faster than usual so I took the added speed and decided to update my profile on Facebook. (Mom, I will explain what Facebook is the next time I talk to you.)

I think I started to make it "single" but decided that wasn’t exactly true. I then looked for "Widowed" but that wasn’t a choice. I then saw they had a choice of "complicated". Now that seemed to fit in so many areas. You see, I am technically single. I am, however, not single. Single in my book means unattached in either a legal or emotional way. Yes, legally I am single. Emotionally, not so much. That struggle seems to make "complicated" a very good choice. Of course that doesn’t even take into account the feelings that are bubbling up that remind me that I must (at some point) move my life forward.

They don’t have "really complicated" as a choice.

You Think I Have Problems?

The other night I had a conversation with a friend about my situation. (Begin Movie Voice Guy...."Previously on Life of Joe: His happy family is sideswiped when his wife is diagnosed with ovarian cancer only four months after the birth of their second child. Surgeries, hospital stays and 50 trips to a St. Louis hospital is no match to the ravages of cancer. He is thrust into the unknown life of raising a family, paying bills and doing laundry all the while keeping a job. His struggles, his pain, his life... only on THE LIFE OF JOE!")

We talked about "where I was at" regarding my psyche and emotions and regarding relationships. We concluded that I am screwed up. I didn’t take offense because I know it’s true. Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t like that about me. But it’s understandable. It’s expected. It’s common. The problem is... it’s not me. It’s not the "me" of old. It is not something that I want to have to deal with for very long. I want it fixed - now!

We decided, and this may come as a shock to some of you, that I am in fact... human. GASP!! I know I am letting some of you down. But my foibles show that I am a normal human with normal emotions. I am in need of reinforcements to believe that my head will eventually get on straight. I’m not going to go into the details of that - but let me just say that I know some of the issues and have been thinking about them.

One of the issues has to do with me believing that I am, in fact, human, and therefore allowed to have some faults.

That’s not easy for Howerton males to accept!