The other night I had a conversation with a friend about my situation. (Begin Movie Voice Guy...."Previously on Life of Joe: His happy family is sideswiped when his wife is diagnosed with ovarian cancer only four months after the birth of their second child. Surgeries, hospital stays and 50 trips to a St. Louis hospital is no match to the ravages of cancer. He is thrust into the unknown life of raising a family, paying bills and doing laundry all the while keeping a job. His struggles, his pain, his life... only on THE LIFE OF JOE!")
We talked about "where I was at" regarding my psyche and emotions and regarding relationships. We concluded that I am screwed up. I didn’t take offense because I know it’s true. Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t like that about me. But it’s understandable. It’s expected. It’s common. The problem is... it’s not me. It’s not the "me" of old. It is not something that I want to have to deal with for very long. I want it fixed - now!
We decided, and this may come as a shock to some of you, that I am in fact... human. GASP!! I know I am letting some of you down. But my foibles show that I am a normal human with normal emotions. I am in need of reinforcements to believe that my head will eventually get on straight. I’m not going to go into the details of that - but let me just say that I know some of the issues and have been thinking about them.
One of the issues has to do with me believing that I am, in fact, human, and therefore allowed to have some faults.
That’s not easy for Howerton males to accept!
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