What's In It For Me?

What is it about putting words to paper... or to screen, as is the 2008 way of doing things... that is so cathartic. I have to thank Sarah for suggesting writing my thoughts/feelings out in some manner or form. I enjoy this writing process much more than I ever thought I would.

I was thinking today, while sitting in an insanely busy courtroom full of people who had broken one or more traffic laws, about this blog and its purpose. Does it have a purpose beyond me feeling better about my life and my situation? Does it help anyone else? Does anyone else benefit in a lasting way, or does it just give the few who pass by a glimpse into a struggle they hope to God they never have to face? Does it really matter what the reason? And why did they schedule 349 people to appear in one courtroom at 9am anyway? (Insanely busy was a vast understatement!)

My reason to write is personal. I want to feel better. I want some of the pain to go away. I don’t want to have the feeling that I am no longer in control of my life. (Although, being married was not a real great way to ever feel in charge of anything, either. Guys, am I right?!?) I want to explore some of the issues that are popping up in my mind. I want to start being my old self. I want to save the $40 per week it would cost to see a shrink. It’s personal.

It’s also who I am. As cliched as it is, I want to help people. That is why I like being a probation officer. I get to try and help people out of the gutters in which they find their lives. Through this blog I can let people see what my struggle is like and how they can help me, my family, and others. And in some way, the reader of this blog might grow, too.

However, I do not have the corner market on crappy situations. Mine could be worse. I don’t want to think about it, but it’s true. There are people worse off than me. There are people worse off than me in Murphysboro. There are people worse off down the street. Thank God I am not in their shoes. They need help. They are struggling, too.

Maybe we all can learn something through my writing. Maybe I can learn about me, and you can learn about me. Maybe we can also learn about the rest of us.